Great replies this week. Trish in Cali, love the Brangelina connection. Mikey, you get honorable mention for not even knowing who jon and kate are.. HA!
Happy Friday! Kate is flying solo now. Who should take Jon's place on the show? Fill in the blank: _____ & Kate + 8.
kevin federline and kate plus 13.....he can bring his 5 kids and add with her...like the brady bunch
Idk who jon and kate are..
Her oldest Maddie and Cara
Wacko Jacko & Kate Plus her 8
Why mess with a good thing? It should be called "Kate and Kate + Kate," since SHE is the only person that matters!
Chuck Norris. It could be about how he only has to look at a woman and they become pregnant with 8 children. "Kate gets Chucked"
K-Fed
Octomom (aka Nadia Suleman)
OctoMom!
Dom and Kate Plus Eight....duhhh!
NO ONE! He is just mad that his payck is gone--- but I tell ya I am so sick of that drama--those children will suffer--watch what I say
How about K-Fed? He needs another gig.
Ok, no doubt some will think this is in bad taste, but here it goes nonetheless . . . remember, going for the wow/humor factor, so don't judge . . . the show should be called . . . "Planned Parenthood & Kate + 8, and no freakin' more" . . .
Todd & Kate +8. Todd, your text came through on my phone 4 times. This sort of behavior would really make your new girlfriend Kate mad.
The bodyguard so that we can now know what is really going on
Brangelina drop Kate and adopt eight (more).
How about just drop the show...why do we need yet ANOTHER bad example of a family on TV - don't we have enough?
Kate and her hair, plus 8!!
Friday, October 9, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Talking Toothbrush 9/25/09
RC Michael, congrats on toothbrush winning reply! So have you eased up on the Ybor outings? :)
If your toothbrush could talk, what would it say to you?
3 mnths ago, it wouldve said stop going out to ybor. Hahaha
It'd say "What the hell was the last thing you stuck in your mouth???"
Stop drinking so many cokes
One word lady: "DAMN!"
You lay off the garlic and I wont tell your wife you use the mouthwash right from the bottle, we got a deal dude?
It would probably ask why I forgot him and left him at home while I got to go on vacation!
Arn't you going to floss? The dentist thinks you do
Brusha, brusha, brusha....Grease.
wow...i dont even want to know where his mouth has been
I'm tired of sitting in the dark waiting for you to put paste on me and shove me in your mouth...just throw me away and put me out of my misery...
It would probably say "When your hubby gets mad at you, he dips me in the toilet!".
If your toothbrush could talk, what would it say to you?
3 mnths ago, it wouldve said stop going out to ybor. Hahaha
It'd say "What the hell was the last thing you stuck in your mouth???"
Stop drinking so many cokes
One word lady: "DAMN!"
You lay off the garlic and I wont tell your wife you use the mouthwash right from the bottle, we got a deal dude?
It would probably ask why I forgot him and left him at home while I got to go on vacation!
Arn't you going to floss? The dentist thinks you do
Brusha, brusha, brusha....Grease.
wow...i dont even want to know where his mouth has been
I'm tired of sitting in the dark waiting for you to put paste on me and shove me in your mouth...just throw me away and put me out of my misery...
It would probably say "When your hubby gets mad at you, he dips me in the toilet!".
Friday, September 25, 2009
Speeding Tickets 9/18/09
I like Tucker's answer this week. And yes, he should have judged this week's competition!
What's the best way to get out of a speeding ticket?
True Story: i got out of a ticket from a ky state trooper by turning on the heat so i was sweating a little bit and told him the reason i was speeding was because i suffer from IBS (irritable bowl syndrome) and that i was about to poop my pants and had to speed to the gas station a mile up the road before going all over myself
Happy Friday. To get out of a speeding ticket I would poor water on my pants and tell the officer, "sorry, I was trying to make it."
Show me your boobs. Works every time :)
If you had seen my boobs, you wouldn't have to ask!
I once had a cop ask for my phone number. Now, if he had asked before he gave me the ticket I might have considered it. But I was like "you just gave me a ticket!"
Cough a lot and say you have the Swine Flu. I would carry a mask with you at all times for extra points. :)
I got off when he found out i was a nurse, not very exciting but it works every time.
I find playing the cancer card works WONDERS!! Funny how "I'm going to barf" makes them back up and run away!
Well if you are a female, try the "breathalyzer"...if you are a male...well...we do live Trampa...you can probably get off with the "breathalyzer" too!
Officer, my wife ran off with a cop, and I was afraid you were bringing her back.
I typically wave my want at them and read them their rights. Works out pretty good!
If I told you then I would have to kill you. I don't think my way can get me out of murder.
It depends if the cop is cute or not.
What's the best way to get out of a speeding ticket?
True Story: i got out of a ticket from a ky state trooper by turning on the heat so i was sweating a little bit and told him the reason i was speeding was because i suffer from IBS (irritable bowl syndrome) and that i was about to poop my pants and had to speed to the gas station a mile up the road before going all over myself
Happy Friday. To get out of a speeding ticket I would poor water on my pants and tell the officer, "sorry, I was trying to make it."
Show me your boobs. Works every time :)
If you had seen my boobs, you wouldn't have to ask!
I once had a cop ask for my phone number. Now, if he had asked before he gave me the ticket I might have considered it. But I was like "you just gave me a ticket!"
Cough a lot and say you have the Swine Flu. I would carry a mask with you at all times for extra points. :)
I got off when he found out i was a nurse, not very exciting but it works every time.
I find playing the cancer card works WONDERS!! Funny how "I'm going to barf" makes them back up and run away!
Well if you are a female, try the "breathalyzer"...if you are a male...well...we do live Trampa...you can probably get off with the "breathalyzer" too!
Officer, my wife ran off with a cop, and I was afraid you were bringing her back.
I typically wave my want at them and read them their rights. Works out pretty good!
If I told you then I would have to kill you. I don't think my way can get me out of murder.
It depends if the cop is cute or not.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Hubble Telescope 9/11/09
Congrats to David on the witty (and slightly stalkerish) reply of the week :) I agree, Angela would be extremely interesting to follow!
The Hubble Space Telescope is working again. If you could point it toward Earth, who/what would you look at?
We need to use the telescope to check up on Racheal Zoe and the Olsen twins because those anorexic stars are invisible to the human eye!
Matthew McConaghey's bedroom!
My backyard. I lost a contact lens somewhere in the lawn last weekend.
I would look at Angela Panazze, because I think anyone that spends the night at Hula Bay would be extremely interesting and fun to follow!
The Hubble Space Telescope is working again. If you could point it toward Earth, who/what would you look at?
We need to use the telescope to check up on Racheal Zoe and the Olsen twins because those anorexic stars are invisible to the human eye!
Matthew McConaghey's bedroom!
My backyard. I lost a contact lens somewhere in the lawn last weekend.
I would look at Angela Panazze, because I think anyone that spends the night at Hula Bay would be extremely interesting and fun to follow!
Super Heroes 8/27/09
Congrats Tara on with the Captain Caveman reply... Definitely unique! And bad grammar for sure!
If you could spend a day with the super hero of your choice, who would you choose, and what would you do?
Call me Lois Lane, I'm going flying with Superman!
I would spend the day with Aquaman so I could borrow those orange squarecuts!
I would go to an extremely crowded public place and listen to everyone's thoughts and look under their clothes!
Wonder Woman for sure ... she's got a kick ass costume and who wouldnt' want to fly in her imaginary plane? How cool would that be...
I'd spend it with night crawler and catch common theives with our acrobatic teleportatoin skills...and be sassy at the same time!
I would totally hang out with the Green Lantern bc he possesses a power ring that gives the him great control over the physical world... oh think about what we could do WAH AH AH AH :)
I want to say Captain Caveman, just because it's funny. But, truth be told, I think he would get on my nerves after a short while and I would just want to correct his grammar.
I'm going to step out on a limb and go with StrongBad! C'mon... anyone? anyone? Homestar Runner? Seriously, it's the funniest thing ever. Look it up.
The Invisible Woman. I'd give anything to have her powers and be totally invisible. I'm so nosy, I'd spy on everyone!!
If you could spend a day with the super hero of your choice, who would you choose, and what would you do?
Call me Lois Lane, I'm going flying with Superman!
I would spend the day with Aquaman so I could borrow those orange squarecuts!
I would go to an extremely crowded public place and listen to everyone's thoughts and look under their clothes!
Wonder Woman for sure ... she's got a kick ass costume and who wouldnt' want to fly in her imaginary plane? How cool would that be...
I'd spend it with night crawler and catch common theives with our acrobatic teleportatoin skills...and be sassy at the same time!
I would totally hang out with the Green Lantern bc he possesses a power ring that gives the him great control over the physical world... oh think about what we could do WAH AH AH AH :)
I want to say Captain Caveman, just because it's funny. But, truth be told, I think he would get on my nerves after a short while and I would just want to correct his grammar.
I'm going to step out on a limb and go with StrongBad! C'mon... anyone? anyone? Homestar Runner? Seriously, it's the funniest thing ever. Look it up.
The Invisible Woman. I'd give anything to have her powers and be totally invisible. I'm so nosy, I'd spy on everyone!!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Cars & Personality 8/21/09
GREAT replies last week! Congrats Miller on your reply of the week. Honorable mention goes to Greg for the Lexus that he "got stuck with" in the divorce.
What kind of car do you drive, and what does it say about your personality?
I drive a mini van. It says I am a family woman, the consumate soccer mom with a prerequisite dog. It says I'm usually carrying lots of kids and we are late to some event like basketball or scouts-- and it would be correct. What it fails to mention is that I'm still 38, and inside I'm a yuppy dying to drive a hybrid or a cool car to go on date with my hot hubby!
Hummer H2. And I think it's pretty obvious - I'm driving my penis...
I drive a Lexus 350. It says although I need an SUV 4 wheel drive because I have kids and go to Tahoe, I'm a girly girl and I like my curves. Such a pretty car.
i drive a BMW 328i . . . . can we say i'm all girl, but i'd like something larger . . . and no i'm not talking about men!
I've been promoted to a Chevy Suburban...by day a hip "Mom Mobile" and by night a Cruisin Party Bus. Either way, there's always room for one more! (kind of a scary thought, huh?)
two days late but... I drive a silver Lexus RX350 and I don't even have kids. I got stuck with this car in the divorce, I miss my black Mercedes so much that my ex is currently sporting around in, grrrr!
An Acura TSX. I'm an urban legend.
I drive a Mercury Mountaineer and it basically means that I'm a lesbian trapped inside a man's body.
I drive the sexiest car on earth - one where all the payments have been made! (that says I'm old and cheap)
A Mercedes ... it's all class ... just like me ... hahahahha
Malibu ... sit back, relax and put your feet up while sipping a drink with a little umbrella.
Black Saab 9-3. My car says I'm sporty/sophisticated/unique
I drive a Chevy Malibu. It says that I like to be stylish but am not afraid to drive the same car as my grandma.
I drive a 2008 Camry automatic with air, SO, I guess I'm last year's model cheap and easy not cool unless you turn me on. It's also grey, but we're not going there!
I drive a Jeep Commander and a car and its owner have never been better matched.
I drive my Ford F150. It shows my personality because I can keep a lot of junk inside my trunk!
What kind of car do you drive, and what does it say about your personality?
I drive a mini van. It says I am a family woman, the consumate soccer mom with a prerequisite dog. It says I'm usually carrying lots of kids and we are late to some event like basketball or scouts-- and it would be correct. What it fails to mention is that I'm still 38, and inside I'm a yuppy dying to drive a hybrid or a cool car to go on date with my hot hubby!
Hummer H2. And I think it's pretty obvious - I'm driving my penis...
I drive a Lexus 350. It says although I need an SUV 4 wheel drive because I have kids and go to Tahoe, I'm a girly girl and I like my curves. Such a pretty car.
i drive a BMW 328i . . . . can we say i'm all girl, but i'd like something larger . . . and no i'm not talking about men!
I've been promoted to a Chevy Suburban...by day a hip "Mom Mobile" and by night a Cruisin Party Bus. Either way, there's always room for one more! (kind of a scary thought, huh?)
two days late but... I drive a silver Lexus RX350 and I don't even have kids. I got stuck with this car in the divorce, I miss my black Mercedes so much that my ex is currently sporting around in, grrrr!
An Acura TSX. I'm an urban legend.
I drive a Mercury Mountaineer and it basically means that I'm a lesbian trapped inside a man's body.
I drive the sexiest car on earth - one where all the payments have been made! (that says I'm old and cheap)
A Mercedes ... it's all class ... just like me ... hahahahha
Malibu ... sit back, relax and put your feet up while sipping a drink with a little umbrella.
Black Saab 9-3. My car says I'm sporty/sophisticated/unique
I drive a Chevy Malibu. It says that I like to be stylish but am not afraid to drive the same car as my grandma.
I drive a 2008 Camry automatic with air, SO, I guess I'm last year's model cheap and easy not cool unless you turn me on. It's also grey, but we're not going there!
I drive a Jeep Commander and a car and its owner have never been better matched.
I drive my Ford F150. It shows my personality because I can keep a lot of junk inside my trunk!
Friday, August 21, 2009
Back to School 8/15/09
Great replies this week! With the below suggestions, I'm sure we could create a very successful curriculum for students of the new millennium. Congrats to Melissa on this week's winning reply!
It's back to school time. If you could introduce one NEW class that all students must complete, what would it be and why?
Underwater Basket Weaving - to cultivate creativity and foster artistic talent.
The art of perception - the dot. It'd start with a map of the universe, then a globe, a US map, FL, Tampa then a dot. You are the dot.. What difference can a dot make.
I think every student needs at least a semester of Common Sense. Face it, every student could use a little more of it!
Social Media Etiquette ... because so much networking and business is conducted via email, text, facebook message, etc...
Common Sense and Life Skills!
Etiquette 101. Where have the days gone of yes ma'am and yes sir, opening doors for ladies and the disabled and having a sense of class and manners.
Manors class, etiquette.
Manners 101. Too many students chew with their mouths open, don't hold the door for people, and are generally rude. And don't get me started on boys that wear their pants too low!
Respect. Because youth today don't seem to have any. Sometimes not even for themselves!
I'll keep it clean this week, so I say in addition to math classes they need to teach finance, then maybe people will learn not to charge their ass off and also learn that cash is KING.
Leadership is earned not given!!! Basics of good leadership skills set expectations appropriately for real life. You actually cant be anything you want to be even if you try really hard.
Dress to Impress - A hands on experience that will help the young professionals avoid some common apparel disasters. Class one: Pear Shape + Pantsuit = :(
Reality 101. you arent going to win American Idol. You will regret a tattoo, and what happens in LV will cost you child support when they track down yo happy ass.
Classic TV Shows... They would have to watch shows from I Love Lucy, Dallas and Full House... Learning life lessons from Lucy, Urkel and Uncle Jesse.
"How to Dress Like a Respectable Person" Enough said. With homework for girls who wear shorts so short that the pockets hang out the bottom.
It's back to school time. If you could introduce one NEW class that all students must complete, what would it be and why?
Underwater Basket Weaving - to cultivate creativity and foster artistic talent.
The art of perception - the dot. It'd start with a map of the universe, then a globe, a US map, FL, Tampa then a dot. You are the dot.. What difference can a dot make.
I think every student needs at least a semester of Common Sense. Face it, every student could use a little more of it!
Social Media Etiquette ... because so much networking and business is conducted via email, text, facebook message, etc...
Common Sense and Life Skills!
Etiquette 101. Where have the days gone of yes ma'am and yes sir, opening doors for ladies and the disabled and having a sense of class and manners.
Manors class, etiquette.
Manners 101. Too many students chew with their mouths open, don't hold the door for people, and are generally rude. And don't get me started on boys that wear their pants too low!
Respect. Because youth today don't seem to have any. Sometimes not even for themselves!
I'll keep it clean this week, so I say in addition to math classes they need to teach finance, then maybe people will learn not to charge their ass off and also learn that cash is KING.
Leadership is earned not given!!! Basics of good leadership skills set expectations appropriately for real life. You actually cant be anything you want to be even if you try really hard.
Dress to Impress - A hands on experience that will help the young professionals avoid some common apparel disasters. Class one: Pear Shape + Pantsuit = :(
Reality 101. you arent going to win American Idol. You will regret a tattoo, and what happens in LV will cost you child support when they track down yo happy ass.
Classic TV Shows... They would have to watch shows from I Love Lucy, Dallas and Full House... Learning life lessons from Lucy, Urkel and Uncle Jesse.
"How to Dress Like a Respectable Person" Enough said. With homework for girls who wear shorts so short that the pockets hang out the bottom.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Presidential Beverages 7/31/09
Congrats Holly in NC for this week's winning text. The "buy 7 get 1 free" reply was too good to pass up!
Now that Obama is having guests over for beer, who will be invited next and what will be the beverage of choice?
Rev. Al Sharpton... where the beverage of the hour will be grape soda.
He should invite Lindsay Lohan and Amy Winehouse over to do shots of tequila.
Obama plans on inviting Jon Gosselin over for margaritas and discussions on child support. Buy 7, get 1 free!
He should invite his former running mates and share with them the official White House drink, the watermelon martini.
We know it won't be Jesus Juice with Michael...
I went to the White House two weeks ago and had some water. They didn't report that on CNN. Seriously, I got gypped!
He will have the doctor that killed Michael Jackson over for 40's of Mad Dog 20/20
Perez Hilton. Beverage of choice? Bloody Mary.
He will have a little fiesta with Raul Castro with Margaritas and Mint Mojitos, of course!
Probably Lil' Jon. They will def be getting crunk on pimp juice.
The 220 Crew and we'll drink pomatinis.
It would be Albert Pujols of the STL Cardinals, they would sit down to a nice cold glass of Bud Light and then get down to work toning up those pitching skills.
Now that Obama is having guests over for beer, who will be invited next and what will be the beverage of choice?
Rev. Al Sharpton... where the beverage of the hour will be grape soda.
He should invite Lindsay Lohan and Amy Winehouse over to do shots of tequila.
Obama plans on inviting Jon Gosselin over for margaritas and discussions on child support. Buy 7, get 1 free!
He should invite his former running mates and share with them the official White House drink, the watermelon martini.
We know it won't be Jesus Juice with Michael...
I went to the White House two weeks ago and had some water. They didn't report that on CNN. Seriously, I got gypped!
He will have the doctor that killed Michael Jackson over for 40's of Mad Dog 20/20
Perez Hilton. Beverage of choice? Bloody Mary.
He will have a little fiesta with Raul Castro with Margaritas and Mint Mojitos, of course!
Probably Lil' Jon. They will def be getting crunk on pimp juice.
The 220 Crew and we'll drink pomatinis.
It would be Albert Pujols of the STL Cardinals, they would sit down to a nice cold glass of Bud Light and then get down to work toning up those pitching skills.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Cell Phone in Toilet 7/24/09
Congrats to Ron for the most creative response last week. Honorable mention goes to Holly and Dana for noting that the decision to laugh depends on which brother dropped the phone. (Andy, I'm betting they would laugh if it were you!).
Should I laugh or be sad for my little brother who dropped his cell phone in the toilet?
Maybe Bubba, the deceased goldfish had his calls transferred.
Laugh and then be sad.
My son dropped his iPhone in the toilet BEFORE he flushed. very messy! needless to say he had to get a new phone that we made HIM pay for!!
I'm going to vote: laugh.
Haha. It's ok to give him a chuckle.
LAUGH!!! Wait, which little bro?
Depends if the water was clean, ewwww!
Depends on which brother.
Laugh ... that sounds like a *hitty situation! Oh, and stay away from the windows!
I think you should call and ask him -- and find out if he washed his hands!
A toilet and laugh.
Aww... first u should be sad. Then tell him to remove the battery and put it & the phone in rice. After it is fixed, take a picture of him looking sadly into the toilet and laugh.
Good question... More information surrounding the event is needed before making an answer.
Ancient fortune cookie saying: Dropping it first make me not so happy. Dropping it after make me really crappy.
You should invent a net liner that goes in the toilet and catches all the change, cell phones, etc.
Laugh but watch out for IBS -- Irritable Brother Syndrome.
Be happy. A cell in the bowl may not be your druthers, but it might beat it landing in the untrusted hands of others.
Hahaha. I'd laugh... Just make sure not to ask to borrow it. Ew!
Gives a whole new meaning to a dropped call. His ringtone can now but the flushing noise.
Sad... especially if he took the browns to the Super Bowl.
Laugh because it's all *hit anyways.
That's funny -- Happy Friday.
Should I laugh or be sad for my little brother who dropped his cell phone in the toilet?
Maybe Bubba, the deceased goldfish had his calls transferred.
Laugh and then be sad.
My son dropped his iPhone in the toilet BEFORE he flushed. very messy! needless to say he had to get a new phone that we made HIM pay for!!
I'm going to vote: laugh.
Haha. It's ok to give him a chuckle.
LAUGH!!! Wait, which little bro?
Depends if the water was clean, ewwww!
Depends on which brother.
Laugh ... that sounds like a *hitty situation! Oh, and stay away from the windows!
I think you should call and ask him -- and find out if he washed his hands!
A toilet and laugh.
Aww... first u should be sad. Then tell him to remove the battery and put it & the phone in rice. After it is fixed, take a picture of him looking sadly into the toilet and laugh.
Good question... More information surrounding the event is needed before making an answer.
Ancient fortune cookie saying: Dropping it first make me not so happy. Dropping it after make me really crappy.
You should invent a net liner that goes in the toilet and catches all the change, cell phones, etc.
Laugh but watch out for IBS -- Irritable Brother Syndrome.
Be happy. A cell in the bowl may not be your druthers, but it might beat it landing in the untrusted hands of others.
Hahaha. I'd laugh... Just make sure not to ask to borrow it. Ew!
Gives a whole new meaning to a dropped call. His ringtone can now but the flushing noise.
Sad... especially if he took the browns to the Super Bowl.
Laugh because it's all *hit anyways.
That's funny -- Happy Friday.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Clinton vs. Palin 7/17
Great responses! Congrats Chad and Slade with this week's replies. Honorable mention goes to Vic for the cankle comment and Aaron in TX for the man hands reply.
***Please note that the below responses below do not necessarily represent the political views or convictions of the Friday Guy.***
Happy Friday! Hillary Clinton with broken elbow gets in a fistfight with Sarah Palin, who has lost her glasses. Who will win?
Hillary .. She has lots of practice beating up on Bill
Sarah can only go to Joe Sixpack
Definitely Hillary. She has the best healthcare around.
This is not a contest. Palin can't win anything and always drops out before finishing. Anyway, Hillary wears the pants -- Bill will not even fight her.
Kenai just say, don't be Wasilly Juneau Yukon bet on Palin. It wil be a Kodiak moment, second to Nome.
Trick question everyone wins.
Hillary because Sarah can't find her gun without glasses.
Sarah... who knows what those elk jockeys are packing underneath their parkas.
Hillary, by an landslide.
Palin, of course. She packs heat.
Hillary would win of course...Palin would just quit in the middle of the fight anyway :)
Clinton. Palin would just blame the media
I think Clinton would win. She has man hands, baby
Palin tags in her brood of children, and Clinton tags in Levi. Down and dirty game of Twister begins. Since Clinton cannot support herself with the broken limb, baby Trig crawls in and saves the day with a foot on blue.
Hillary.
Hillary Clinton will win by default due to Sarah Palin bowing out of the fight halfway through... just like her governor term. Wimp!
Fighting with all the Alaskan wildlife while hunting and raising her *hore of a daughter.. Palin has got this one.
My money is on Hillary every time. Palin would just say something stupid and then the would just walk away.
Sarah Palin with a moose antler to Hillary's cankles.
Bill Clinton, because he did not have sexual relations with either of these two women, although now that one is handicapped and the other is blind, the odds are looking better!
As much as it pains me to say, Hillary will win mainly because she takes the low blows!
***Please note that the below responses below do not necessarily represent the political views or convictions of the Friday Guy.***
Happy Friday! Hillary Clinton with broken elbow gets in a fistfight with Sarah Palin, who has lost her glasses. Who will win?
Hillary .. She has lots of practice beating up on Bill
Sarah can only go to Joe Sixpack
Definitely Hillary. She has the best healthcare around.
This is not a contest. Palin can't win anything and always drops out before finishing. Anyway, Hillary wears the pants -- Bill will not even fight her.
Kenai just say, don't be Wasilly Juneau Yukon bet on Palin. It wil be a Kodiak moment, second to Nome.
Trick question everyone wins.
Hillary because Sarah can't find her gun without glasses.
Sarah... who knows what those elk jockeys are packing underneath their parkas.
Hillary, by an landslide.
Palin, of course. She packs heat.
Hillary would win of course...Palin would just quit in the middle of the fight anyway :)
Clinton. Palin would just blame the media
I think Clinton would win. She has man hands, baby
Palin tags in her brood of children, and Clinton tags in Levi. Down and dirty game of Twister begins. Since Clinton cannot support herself with the broken limb, baby Trig crawls in and saves the day with a foot on blue.
Hillary.
Hillary Clinton will win by default due to Sarah Palin bowing out of the fight halfway through... just like her governor term. Wimp!
Fighting with all the Alaskan wildlife while hunting and raising her *hore of a daughter.. Palin has got this one.
My money is on Hillary every time. Palin would just say something stupid and then the would just walk away.
Sarah Palin with a moose antler to Hillary's cankles.
Bill Clinton, because he did not have sexual relations with either of these two women, although now that one is handicapped and the other is blind, the odds are looking better!
As much as it pains me to say, Hillary will win mainly because she takes the low blows!
Friday, July 17, 2009
Christmas in July 7/10/2009
Great replies, especially Vic with the 3 B's answer. Honorable mention goes to Mikey for his "fire truck" quote from the Family Guy "Asian Santa" episode.
It's Christmas in July -- What do you want Santa to bring you?
All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, my two front teeth, my two front teeth...
I would like a hot boy toy with no strings attached :)
All I want for Christmas are some teeth ... Lost them in the bar fight.
Peace love and happiness
A dog, a cat, a rabbit or a rooster. And for MJ to finally get buried.
Well if you ask, I will take it all.
I want Santa to buy me some Christmas shoes.
The 3 B's: beach, blondes and beer
Delete my name from your distribution
The thing every Kentuckian wants ... their two front teeth back.
A birthday cake
Snow instead of this damn rain.
Peace and goodwill to everyone.
A case of beer, a bottle of Jack and a pack of Marlboro lites.
Some December weather. It's HOT and HUMID as heck!
Fire Truck!
It's Christmas in July -- What do you want Santa to bring you?
All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, my two front teeth, my two front teeth...
I would like a hot boy toy with no strings attached :)
All I want for Christmas are some teeth ... Lost them in the bar fight.
Peace love and happiness
A dog, a cat, a rabbit or a rooster. And for MJ to finally get buried.
Well if you ask, I will take it all.
I want Santa to buy me some Christmas shoes.
The 3 B's: beach, blondes and beer
Delete my name from your distribution
The thing every Kentuckian wants ... their two front teeth back.
A birthday cake
Snow instead of this damn rain.
Peace and goodwill to everyone.
A case of beer, a bottle of Jack and a pack of Marlboro lites.
Some December weather. It's HOT and HUMID as heck!
Fire Truck!
Friday, June 26, 2009
Miss California 6/12/09
Great replies this week, folks -- thanks for the messages. Winner for the week is Dr. Dan with the Rosie O'Donnell reply. Honorable mention goes to Chad for the Matt Bachman post.
Happy Friday! Since Miss California was stripped of her title and crown, who should take her place?
With so many qualified candidates in that state who could choose? But if it had to be just one then Perez Hilton.
Um, the runner up? Or maybe Perez Hilton since he started the big stink.
Rosie O'Donnell. Safe bet no topless pics of her will surface.
Matt Bachman. He has always wanted 2 wear a sash and tiara.
Perez Hilton... funny and tragic at the same time.
Since she did not receive a prestigious title as Vice President, Sarah Palin should be crowned. She can probably see CA from her window in Alaska.
The Donald
Chastity Bono
Their governor Arnold
It's Britney bitch
Happy Friday! Since Miss California was stripped of her title and crown, who should take her place?
With so many qualified candidates in that state who could choose? But if it had to be just one then Perez Hilton.
Um, the runner up? Or maybe Perez Hilton since he started the big stink.
Rosie O'Donnell. Safe bet no topless pics of her will surface.
Matt Bachman. He has always wanted 2 wear a sash and tiara.
Perez Hilton... funny and tragic at the same time.
Since she did not receive a prestigious title as Vice President, Sarah Palin should be crowned. She can probably see CA from her window in Alaska.
The Donald
Chastity Bono
Their governor Arnold
It's Britney bitch
Friday, June 12, 2009
Happy Hurricane Season 6/5/09
Great ideas, everyone! This week we have a tie: Congrats Ruth and Morgan for the winning replies! Although Morgan's "Sue Ellen" response didnt' begin with the letter A, I'm lovin' the fact that it references a tropical hurricane cocktail and includes Sue Ellen, my favorite Dallas character.
Happy Friday, and happy hurricane season! What should we name the first storm of the season? Answers should begin with A...
Tropical Storm Aunt Flo
American Idol... Season Hurricane
Anastasia Beaverhausen
Alexis, so when it does major destruction it doesn't put bad karma on a good name!
Angelina
Adolf
Another one
Let's name it Aria - it's not a funny answer but it is an English name and it means "gentle music"
Alissa, of course!
Althea (Althea hurricane comin'!)
Sue "pour another hurricane for me and my baby" Ellen
A$$hole (the hurricane, not you) :)
Anna
Happy Friday, and happy hurricane season! What should we name the first storm of the season? Answers should begin with A...
Tropical Storm Aunt Flo
American Idol... Season Hurricane
Anastasia Beaverhausen
Alexis, so when it does major destruction it doesn't put bad karma on a good name!
Angelina
Adolf
Another one
Let's name it Aria - it's not a funny answer but it is an English name and it means "gentle music"
Alissa, of course!
Althea (Althea hurricane comin'!)
Sue "pour another hurricane for me and my baby" Ellen
A$$hole (the hurricane, not you) :)
Anna
Friday, May 29, 2009
Rain Rain Go Away 05/22/09
Fun replies this week. I don't think everyone understood that the answers were supposed to rhyme...but great stuff nevertheless. :)
Complete the rhyme: Rain rain, go away ...
Cause Josh wants some f'n sun on Memorial Day.
Todd's going to quit his job and run the Happy Friday text empire from some beach in the Caribbean with a frozen colorful drink in his hand.
I'll try to get some sunshine down to you guys this weekend.
And don't come back unless you bring a bottle of Chimay.
M's boobs want to come out and play... total exhibitionist.
And take the douchebags with you! :)
Friday sucks.
So we can come out and play.
Complete the rhyme: Rain rain, go away ...
Cause Josh wants some f'n sun on Memorial Day.
Todd's going to quit his job and run the Happy Friday text empire from some beach in the Caribbean with a frozen colorful drink in his hand.
I'll try to get some sunshine down to you guys this weekend.
And don't come back unless you bring a bottle of Chimay.
M's boobs want to come out and play... total exhibitionist.
And take the douchebags with you! :)
Friday sucks.
So we can come out and play.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Chrysler and GM merger 05/15/09
Congrats Corey on the winning text!
Happy Friday! Suppose struggling Chrysler and GM merged to form a new car company. What should the new company be called?
Pontiac
I vote for BM ... it has so many potential meanings, but the legal one would be Bankrupt Motors.
The muffster
General Failure Motors (a division of the US government)
InDaRed
I'm torn between "ObamaMotors" and "I Hope We Don't F*@# This Up a 2nd Time Motors"
Keep the acronym GM -- just call it "Grand Mistake"
Second Chance Motors
Happy Friday! Suppose struggling Chrysler and GM merged to form a new car company. What should the new company be called?
Pontiac
I vote for BM ... it has so many potential meanings, but the legal one would be Bankrupt Motors.
The muffster
General Failure Motors (a division of the US government)
InDaRed
I'm torn between "ObamaMotors" and "I Hope We Don't F*@# This Up a 2nd Time Motors"
Keep the acronym GM -- just call it "Grand Mistake"
Second Chance Motors
Friday, May 15, 2009
Caption Needed for Photo 05/08/09
Congrats Dad on the winning text this week. I'm not sure if everyone received the picture message and/or the accompanying message requesting a caption. I think some people just received the photo alone, heh!
This week's Friday text is a picture message. Need a caption for this photo:
98, 99, 100 ... Ready or not, here I come!
Assume the position!
"Hey, would you look at the reflection of that blue bear... Wait ... Crap ... I knew I shouldn't have eaten those smurfberries!
No really, I'm just here to tell you what's new at USF.
Peekaboo bitches!
Sorry ocifer, but that chick was HOT!
Swine Flu 5/01/09
Congrats to Jenna in NYC on her second Friday text winning reply. Even during a pandemic, we certainly can't forget about the effects on our international holidays! :)
What's the best way to avoid the swine flu?
Take away the pig's frequent flyer card.
I would recomend a succulent penguin sandwich.
Hey, TGH is hosting a happy hour tonite at Fly from 7-10 if you are free (not sure if this person intended to reply to the friday text, but I included it just in case :)
A. Don't go to Mexico. B. Tell everyone you have it so they stay away. C. Get drunk on tequila because who really cares about swine flu when you are wasted.
Stick with kissing cows instead.
You know how they say men are pigs? Well... :)
I think more importantly the question we should be asking is... Does this mean Cinco de Mayo is canceled???
Pay the Russians to fly you to the International Space Station.
You huff, and you puff, and you blow that swine flu away!
Listen to our president... wash our hands, cover our mouth, brush our teeth.
Stop making out with pigs.
Stay away from Joe Biden.
Pig roast.
Always wrap your meat to avoid contamination.
What's the best way to avoid the swine flu?
Take away the pig's frequent flyer card.
I would recomend a succulent penguin sandwich.
Hey, TGH is hosting a happy hour tonite at Fly from 7-10 if you are free (not sure if this person intended to reply to the friday text, but I included it just in case :)
A. Don't go to Mexico. B. Tell everyone you have it so they stay away. C. Get drunk on tequila because who really cares about swine flu when you are wasted.
Stick with kissing cows instead.
You know how they say men are pigs? Well... :)
I think more importantly the question we should be asking is... Does this mean Cinco de Mayo is canceled???
Pay the Russians to fly you to the International Space Station.
You huff, and you puff, and you blow that swine flu away!
Listen to our president... wash our hands, cover our mouth, brush our teeth.
Stop making out with pigs.
Stay away from Joe Biden.
Pig roast.
Always wrap your meat to avoid contamination.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Just when you think you've seen it all 04/24/09
Wags had the winning response last week, congrats!
Just when you think you've seen it all...
Then Miller does something unexpected
Pigs fly overhead
21 horses lay dead in their stalls
A white chic named Marcy shows up at your party
Along comes me! Happy Friday!
Unruly kids show up at the pool with big ol' squirt guns
Just when you think you've seen it all...
Then Miller does something unexpected
Pigs fly overhead
21 horses lay dead in their stalls
A white chic named Marcy shows up at your party
Along comes me! Happy Friday!
Unruly kids show up at the pool with big ol' squirt guns
Friday, April 24, 2009
Colored Eggs 4/17/09
Congrats to Slade at Stetson for the reply of the week!
Where does the Easter Bunny get his/her colored eggs?
The mama chickens were shakin different color tail feathers
Publix for $5.27 a dozen. Actual price
The Rainbow Co-op, of course
The hare salon
A bunch of rainbow laying chickens
From Oprah Winfrey … At least the “Color Purple” ones.... You told Harpo to beat me...No, I told him to hard boil you...
From the rainbow chicken
Where does the Easter Bunny get his/her colored eggs?
The mama chickens were shakin different color tail feathers
Publix for $5.27 a dozen. Actual price
The Rainbow Co-op, of course
The hare salon
A bunch of rainbow laying chickens
From Oprah Winfrey … At least the “Color Purple” ones.... You told Harpo to beat me...No, I told him to hard boil you...
From the rainbow chicken
Friday, April 10, 2009
Whitney's Birthday 4/4/09
Lots of great responses... it was difficult to select a winning reply. Who knew that you all were so informed on thes subject of crack? :) Congrats to Jenna in NYC for the reply of the week.
You're invited to Whitney Houston's birthday party. What do you take as a gift?
A "Grammy" of coke.
Earplugs.
I'm not sure. Does Macy's do gift wrap on cocaine?
Hairspray, a bottle of champagne and some crack.
A T-shirt that says "I don't date crack whores" on the front and has "Crack is whack" written on the back.
Crack, Bobby Brown and Ray J in a speedo, and a video camera for blackmail later!
A sandwich, 'cause that crack ho 'aint eating.
A helmet.
A bedazzled crack pipe.
What do you get the crack whore who has everything?
A ziplock bag of flour.
A box of razors for the crack rock.
Something practical: some valium and a bodyguard, both tastefully wrapped of course.
The Friday Guy.
A mirrored plate and new razor blades.
Her fame and success.
A Bobby bobblehead that doubles as a crackpipe.
Crack, because it is whack.
You're invited to Whitney Houston's birthday party. What do you take as a gift?
A "Grammy" of coke.
Earplugs.
I'm not sure. Does Macy's do gift wrap on cocaine?
Hairspray, a bottle of champagne and some crack.
A T-shirt that says "I don't date crack whores" on the front and has "Crack is whack" written on the back.
Crack, Bobby Brown and Ray J in a speedo, and a video camera for blackmail later!
A sandwich, 'cause that crack ho 'aint eating.
A helmet.
A bedazzled crack pipe.
What do you get the crack whore who has everything?
A ziplock bag of flour.
A box of razors for the crack rock.
Something practical: some valium and a bodyguard, both tastefully wrapped of course.
The Friday Guy.
A mirrored plate and new razor blades.
Her fame and success.
A Bobby bobblehead that doubles as a crackpipe.
Crack, because it is whack.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
A ___ A Day 3/27/09
Congrats to Em in Tampa on the reply of the week!
Fill in the blanks: "A _____ a day keeps the ______ away."
A martini a day keeps the therapist away.
A beer a day keeps the blues away.
An apple a day keeps Dan away.
A 14 hour day keeps the workaholic coworkers away.
Fill in the blanks: "A _____ a day keeps the ______ away."
A martini a day keeps the therapist away.
A beer a day keeps the blues away.
An apple a day keeps Dan away.
A 14 hour day keeps the workaholic coworkers away.
Unexpected Guest 3/20/09
Apparently quite a few of my friends and colleagues don't wear clothes around the house... Good times! Congrats to Todd C. on this week's winning reply.
Suppose some unexpected guests appear at your front door. Complete the sentence: "If I knew you were coming, I would have..."
Moved, joined the witness protection program, faked my own death... Anything but here!
Sobered up!
Put some clothes on.
Waited to do my impersonation of Tom Cruise singing old time rock and roll in Risky Business.
Worn my drinking shoes.
Not been so damn mad! Next time u need to freakin' call before you show up at my door. I don't like surprises! What the hell do you want anyway?
Left.
Left town yesterday!
Put down some newspaper.
Clipped my yellow toe nails.
Put on the dog.
Put some underwear on.
Put some clothes on.
Put some clothes on haha.
Charged a cover. Lol, I'm no good at this.
Cleaned up dog poo.
Brought out the dead. (from Monty Python)
Put on pants.
Suppose some unexpected guests appear at your front door. Complete the sentence: "If I knew you were coming, I would have..."
Moved, joined the witness protection program, faked my own death... Anything but here!
Sobered up!
Put some clothes on.
Waited to do my impersonation of Tom Cruise singing old time rock and roll in Risky Business.
Worn my drinking shoes.
Not been so damn mad! Next time u need to freakin' call before you show up at my door. I don't like surprises! What the hell do you want anyway?
Left.
Left town yesterday!
Put down some newspaper.
Clipped my yellow toe nails.
Put on the dog.
Put some underwear on.
Put some clothes on.
Put some clothes on haha.
Charged a cover. Lol, I'm no good at this.
Cleaned up dog poo.
Brought out the dead. (from Monty Python)
Put on pants.
Britney 3/31/09
Hi All. There were some great replies to the first of the new Friday texts. I even received a response in the form of a poem! A few replies were a little too racy to post here -- Given this week’s topic, I’m sure can imagine. Please keep the good stuff coming. Have a great week, and congrats to Brian in D.C. on the reply of the week.
Why did Britney cross the road?
To get her kids out of the road.
To try and find her panties.
Because one of her backup singers is on the other side wearing a tux.
Because she wanted to join Jessica Simpson at KFC.
She was trying to save her career by re-promoting her movie Crossroads.
Because she forgot her kids on the other side.
To get the can of Pabst on the other side.
To see if that is where she left her career.
Why, oh why did she cross the road?
She’s such a nut job, we’ll never know.
But we ponder – like we do care.
So her life seems OK when it’s truly unfair.
U got me on that one. Why did she cross?
To pay Keven Federline his alimony.
To hit her baby one more time.
To get a better view of KFed working at Burger King.
Why?
To bypass her own train wreck.
To get her kids that she forgot hadn’t crossed with her.
To get some Chee-tos from the Kwickie Mart across the street from the trailer park.
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